hard things to say

glassine bags in 4 sizes

On the Write.Click.Scrapbook. blog this week, where I am a member of this incredible collective of talented designers, Erin Sweeney has been hosting. On Wednesday, her post was about journaling. And Digging Deep for that journaling, actually.

Many of you know that times have been tough with my oldest, Zach, during his experience as a college Freshman. Intelligent as he is, with numerous academic scholarships under his belt, he decided to blow off attending some classes, completing class work, homework assignments and respect for his parents. Therefore, he is no longer a college student. He blew the chance of earning a degree at a top-notch local college {Gordon is a graduate of this same College} that has been included in the U.S. News and World Report lists of America's Top Colleges several years. He threw $18,000 in tuition, books, meal plans and scholarships down the drain. And that's the cost for just one semester. It just did not mean as much to him as it did to us. It really hurts me, even still. And my eyes are pooling with tears as I type just thinking about it.

Instead he has enlisted in the U.S. Navy. He will be leaving in September for basic training and then heading to Charleston for his 18-month training stint in the nuclear program. Yes, 18-months in training alone before he ever sets foot on a submarine or a ship. That's how intense this program is.

He is not a highly excitable kind of guy. At all. 

And, for him, he's pretty excited about this venture. He's excited about the fact that he scored very high on the ASVAB test and had the choice of any field he wanted. He's excited about the fact that this will be a lucrative career choice, whether he stays in the Navy and earns even more signing bonuses or leaves after his initial enlistment and re-enters the civilian world with some wonderful skills learned and promising career opportunities. He's excited that he could have the opportunity to attend Officer Candidate School. He's excited.

I don't know if he's thought so much about the fact that he will be away from home and what that all means. Probably, right now, it seems pretty exciting to him. I'm thinking that it might not be as exciting after a time, knowing him as I do. 

I cannot say that this would have been my first choice as a career path for him when he graduated from high school. And it's probably still not my first choice, but it IS something that is making him happy and fulfilled. And I am thrilled with the opportunities that lie ahead for him.

My Father was in the Air Force. Zach's Father was in the Army. Gordon's Dad was in the Marines and now we have a Navy man in the house. We're covered, aren't we?

The layout I am sharing with you today is one featuring Zach. The Digging Deep journaling is contained in that small glassine envelope on three journaling cards that are filled back and front with my story of his one semester college experience. 

Here's what I shared with the w.c.s. readers:

The journaling for this layout has been in my head, and in my heart, for several months. It's a story that is not particularly pleasant, but I wanted my son to know how I felt about the experience. Looking at the layout, no one would ever imagine the powerful story that is contained within that glassine envelope...three journaling cards front and back full of a Mama's angst, hopes, dreams and words of wisdom. So, the journaling was not all that hard to do, I knew I wanted to document this phase in Zach's life, but actually making the layout and reliving the events were. On the up side, I purposefully chose a happy photo and an inspiring die cut. If someone wants to read the story, they can, but they are not subjected to these private words unless they want to be.

I used a dictionary page that has the word success highligthed with my punched kraft arrow...
I added a punched heart to the glassine envelope...
I used a punched tab from some boxer short packaging from Old Navy {I think this will make him smile, he will remember this and how he helped me to punch out the shapes}...
I used a smiling photo of Zach {taken on New Year's Day}...
I used a more feminine paper, offset with the kraft, so it wasn't so serious...

...all in an effort to make this layout seem less intimidating, as my words

to Zach are powerful. I did not hold back. I did not fluff.

...I am honest.

...I am his Mom and I love him.

...I hope this will all make sense one day.

Because...

And I do believe that. Some stories are tough, but they are a part of our life's history. This isn't the first layout I've done that show a less-than-sunny-side of our lives and it probably won't be my last. 

Have you ever shared some tough journaling on a layout? More than once? Never?